Parkes Family

I've been trying to write this for 2 months anticipating or rather dreading this day September 26th, 2018. Marking one entire year without my mom. How is that possible? Months ago, I thought I'd have pushed through to the 'other side' by now. Finding this quote has given me more courage to endure grief. I don't have high expectations of what it will look like each day but I do know this. I retain those deep, raw maternal sentiments she gushed onto me with her loving eyes, her gentle arms and her supportive words within the woven fabric of my soul. What if those pieces unravel? Who will be there to mend them? To sew a new patch? I have to do that. On my own. I will have to care for myself in the ways she taught me. For this reason I dug deeper than ever before into my purpose as a mother and wife. It's beyond fulfilling and I am finally reaping what I have worked so hard to achieve. A loving, wholesome family built on values, respect, and over-the-top "cel

June 17th, 2018 A book from Tezra from a mother who is giving her daughter advice about what to do when  she's gone. It's touching and hits so deep I can only read a few pages at a time. Allison wanted to know the book and then asked, "Mom could  you pass it down to me when you die?" (insert sobbing mom eyes here). "Yes, of course."   I'm still hurting. I still catching myself calling my mom on the phone. I'm still in disbelief she doesn't know my son. I am still grieving and I didn't know that until recently. Two nights ago, I was home with the kids alone and Allison went downstairs to bed. She came back up soon and said her stomach didn't feel right. I asked her all the typical mom questions. Are you hungry? Do you need to poop? Are you nervous? None of those. I asked if she wanted to cuddle on the couch (although I had been dreaming about my head hitting the pillow) and she said yes. My big 8 year old, 4'

I have been writing this post for the past month. I haven't been able to finish because of time or clarity or well... having a new baby... I never expected to feel so fulfilled, loved and in love all at one time with the arrival of our sweet boy. My home is bursting at the seams with love. Unconditional love from my husband and a whole new big sister kind of love from my daughter. The arrival of our little John boy has changed us forever, in a way we didn't know we all needed. How could something make you feel complete without ever having felt like something was missing? Yes, we are tired. I am getting over the flu. My house is not clean and our meals are more like a smorgasbord, but I am ok with it. I'm ok with it now because last time around I had higher expectations of myself which led to guilt and unhappiness. I am consciously trying to cut myself some slack even compliment myself even when I can hardly think of something worthy of complimenting! (Wow, you sh

Baking you cookies to coax you to come out! Sweet son of mine, you are already exhausting my patience. Sometimes the excitement of meeting you and the discomfort of the pregnancy together make it hard to wait. I know it will be worth it, but I'm so anxious. I tear up just thinking about the first time your big sister sees and holds you for the first time. Allison cannot stop talking about how she is looking forward to snuggling a baby everyday. She wants to be a part of everything. Not only will it be different to have you join our family but she is taking on a new and different role as an older sibling and I think you'll be quite enamored with her. She's very special and we know the two of you will be lifelong friends. Your father and I changed our minds in having another by going through things over the past years where we leaned on our own siblings. We came to a point where we could no longer justify not 'giving' Allison a sibling for life's journeys.

Here's the love story, simply stated. Girl meets boy. They fall in love over the weekend in Ca.  The two spend hours on the phone like teenagers trying mend the distance between them.  They see each other every month. Within a year, girl decides to move  from Long Beach Ca. to LeRoy, MI to be with boy.  Within two years they are married. Less than a year later, they have a child they adore. Wife supports husband with his business. Husband supports wife finding new job and getting settled. Husband and wife continue to fall madly in love with their little family and their most perfect life. As one would have it strife hit and the husband stepped up to support the wife through life's tornadoes that tried to beat her down.  Amidst the impending doom of losing her mom, the wife and husband decide there is room in their hearts and on couch under the oversized blanket in their home for another being. After two years of trying,

Moments after the big SURPRISE! Within the past two weeks, I have had two surprises that made me feel on top of the world! I love being surprised with events, people, gifts, etc. I love planning surprises and watching someone react happily surprised! My last surprise was my 30th birthday party and I still hold tight to those memories so it's been almost 7 years. On my drive to the baby shower, I was overcome by a longing to be with my mom and sisters. I tried to push it aside so it wouldn't make the day difficult but it persisted. It wasn't all in sadness, mostly missing them and needing to be showered by their love. Little did I know, my two sisters came from CA and CO to stay with Diane the night prior in order to surprise me at my shower. As you could imagine, immediate tears fell when I saw their beautiful faces! What a blessing. I felt so special knowing they did this just for me! Wow, I am still on a high even though they left last week! These girls made

34 weeks and counting... The nesting phase has officially begun... Christmas decor put away- check! House cleaned and floors mopped- check!  Closet organized-check!  Baby clothes washed and sorted- Check!  Call mom to alleviate fears of natural delivery- No check... My mom had a cesarian with me and then successfully had a natural delivery with Brianna 9 years later. I am almost in the same boat now. There's so much I want to know about her experience. I want to know everything. I am trying to conquer my fear of labor by reading books and diving into research. While that is serving its purpose in making me feel like I'm making an educated, "this is what's right for me," decision, I still want to hear my mom's 2 cents. I think she would support me but also honestly tell me the cons along with pros so I felt prepared. She didn't sugar coat anything for me because she knew I needed facts. I know that in order for me not to worry about som