Parkes Family

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. Mom, So for a while I was relieved that you were not in pain anymore. None of the suffering. None of the heartache. But you're healed now, so can you come back? We need you. We are struggling without you. How can it feel like I need you to get through losing you ? For some reason, I think about calling you for advice on how to deal, how to help support the girls, how to take better care of myself through this process. I'll have to rely on my memory to carry me through the rest of my life, hoping that it doesn't fail me when I need you most. How do I recreate those hugs? Or that look on your face that made me feel like I was the best decision you'd ever made? Or times when you said the right thing at the right time in a way no one else could? Those images and sentiments are imprinted on the "refrigerator door" of my heart. I

Sunday marked another beautiful tribute to my Mama, but here in Michigan this time. The attendance, the food, the company and the love was over the top. I felt so fulfilled with my Michigan family in the house there to show their love. Like I've said before, even if you didn't meet my mom but you love me that means you love her too. The afternoon started with the frenzy of family bringing daisies, food, cards and best of all hugs. Like the real hugs, no ass out hugs to be seen. I found a birthday card I gave to my mom that I chose to read aloud because it encompassed so much of what I felt. I also thought I'd be able to keep my composure if it was something I hadn't written myself. Here is how the card was written: ~My Mother's Garden~ My mother kept a garden, a garden of the heart. She planted all the good things that gave my life its start. She turned me to the sunshine and encouraged me to dream, Fostering and nurturing the seeds of self-esteem.