Parkes Family

I have not seen my mom in 1,460 days. I saw her a lot the last two years of her life. We all worked togetht to be there for every procedure, appointment and treatment. I never thought I would miss those days, but I do. At least I felt like I was actively trying to help. Now, I actively try to keep her legacy alive by sharing stories about her, playing my self talk tape to mimic her supportive words, and being myself unapologetically. Somedays I feel like I'm slaying it. Those are the days that I am either momming like a boss. I know she's proud of those moments. But I also know she's proud of the times where I just bomb at life and own it. She was never 'perfect.' She was a perfect mom for me because God made her my mother for a reason, but not like no mistakes, girl wash your face, fake it til you make it. That was never the message in our house. It's not my message now. Other days I feel like I've lost my way. Like I've asked aloud, "where ar

Dear 40, I'm not mad at ya! I won't deny you and celebrate 29 again... I am four decades old. That's a boatload of days. 14,600 days old to be exact. Fun Fact: I have a LOT to show for forty years old! I'm not about to list material things because what shows my age are relationships and accomplishments. Those take time. I always loved the song Time is Love by Josh Turner because I feel most loved when people spend their own valuable time being with me, giving me support, guiding me, letting me grow, holding space for me. Your time has been the ultimate gift for this birthday girl and I'm especially appreciative. Today and always. Birthdays are great days of reflection and here goes... I am proud of where I'm from. SoCal Represent! Holla! K Funk in the house! And I'm damn proud of where I am today Cali Girl Gone Country? As much 'country' as I'll ever be! If you've decided to read this, you have probably been part of this journey and for

Tough love used to mean something entirely different to me before having a son. 'Tough love' could be used to explain the rough and tumble loving ways of toddler boy! There's no better way to describe it. I never said the following things to Allison when she was young: Don't kiss me so hard, you're going to hurt me! Try not to squeeze me so tight. I don't like it when your snuggling turns into headbutting. The way he shows love is so hard, so intense. I know that he wants to really show me what he's got when he says he wants to play on the floor. It starts beautifully. Snuggling, kisses, holidng my face with his chubby hands... and then it starts to change. Some under his breath growling, mixed in with sweet nothings like "mama you're my best girl" or "you're so important to me." Soon, he's kissing my face but also bearing his teeth. Next, comes lowering his shoulder and leaning in with all his weight into my chest. S