Parkes Family

Today would have been my mom's 59th birthday. If know our family, you know that birthdays are a big deal. You would get a quite a few cards with tons of mushy gushy details and a thoughtful gift of sorts. You'd get to pick the restaurant for the celebration (even if it was on a weekday). As we got older, there was of course toasting choice beverages to the birthday girl. Once we were all spread out over the country, we would actually fly in to make a birthday weekend of it all... and sometimes even a birthday season. Basically, if it was your birthday you just felt like you were worth celebrating.  I am going to celebrate my mom today by doing things she loved, all the things that made her who she was. I am going to enjoy the fall colors. For someone from southern California, she sure had a country heart. She loved the fall season from the color changes to pumpkin patch visits on the farm to football. I am going to love on my family extra hard without holding back.

Today would have been my mom's 59th birthday. If know our family, you know that birthdays are a big deal. You would get a quite a few cards with tons of mushy gushy details and a thoughtful gift of sorts. You'd get to pick the restaurant for the celebration (even if it was on a weekday). As we got older, there was of course toasting choice beverages to the birthday girl. Once we were all spread out over the country, we would actually fly in to make a birthday weekend of it all... and sometimes even a birthday season. Basically, if it was your birthday you just felt like you were the worth celebrating.  I am going to celebrate my mom today by doing things she loved, all the things that made her who she was. I am going to enjoy the fall colors. For someone from southern California, she sure had a country heart. She loved the fall season from the color changes to pumpkin patch visits on the farm to football. I am going to love on my family extra hard without holding ba

One of my mom's best friends read this at her memorial and I was filled with such fulfillment that someone else thought this of my mom too. If I were to guess, the two of us are not alone. I only wish my mom knew this quote as something that reminded people of her. It seems to be the case these days that things that make me happy about her also make me sad. This is a new feeling to some extent. Now, I'm filled with ambivalence as I grieve. Last night before bed, Allison said, "I miss CaliGram." I said, "me too. Sometimes when I miss her it makes me sad and other times it makes me happy." She said, "the holidays just won't be the same without her. Like Halloween. I'm not going to get an awesome package with stickers and books from CaliGram." She has not overheard me saying those things. Those sentiments ring with such truth. If felt joy that she felt like that but also the deep sting of loss and finality. I couldn't agree with

The few days before my mom passed, she asked me if there was anything I needed to tell her or share with her as her time was nearing an end. It didn't take me long to say, "No, Mom. I know that you know just how much I love you." We were fortunate to have been in an open, loving relationship where we have always been honest. When I say fortunate I mean I'm happy that we have always been deliberate in expressing our feelings, especially the warm fuzzy ones. I feel gracious to not have to be reconciling or apologizing for long lost grudges or arguments during those last days. That wasn't our style. We wrote cards to each other that took up the entire blank side with an outpouring of our deepest emotions not just on holidays but year-round. I didn't anticipate what a relief that would be in this moment. No regrets. No sadness about our past, just love. Deep, raw, mother-daughter "me and you against the world" kind of bond that will not end now but co

My mom loved to celebrate. She celebrated life full of sports, music, our military, and especially her kids. She would always say "Children should be celebrated." The funny thing about quoting her is that she would always she was someone of few words. Her words made an impact and so did her actions. As we reminisced old stories and looking through even older photographs, she is clearly celebrating in them all! I'd love to share some stories and things that I hold fast to during this difficult time. I'm not going to say I lost my mom, because I didn't. I know where she is and I know she is celebrating up there with some long lost loved ones who she's been missing dearly. The day she passed we were recounting the stories of when she was little girl. Having four older brothers played a big role in these stories as you could imagine. One of my favorites was when her brothers told her that she could be Queen for the day if she sat on the throne-shaped ca