Skip to main content

Happy Birthday Mama


Today would have been my mom's 59th birthday. If know our family, you know that birthdays are a big deal. You would get a quite a few cards with tons of mushy gushy details and a thoughtful gift of sorts. You'd get to pick the restaurant for the celebration (even if it was on a weekday). As we got older, there was of course toasting choice beverages to the birthday girl. Once we were all spread out over the country, we would actually fly in to make a birthday weekend of it all... and sometimes even a birthday season. Basically, if it was your birthday you just felt like you were worth celebrating. 



I am going to celebrate my mom today by doing things she loved, all the things that made her who she was. I am going to enjoy the fall colors. For someone from southern California, she sure had a country heart. She loved the fall season from the color changes to pumpkin patch visits on the farm to football. I am going to love on my family extra hard without holding back. I'm going to raise a glass (non-alcoholic this year for me) and make a toast to my Mom who laughed her neck in a knot when she watched Home Alone. Her favorite scene is when there is a tarantula on Marv's chest and Harry has the crow bar telling him to hold still. She actually reenacted it just a week before she passed and told me to go upstairs that she had it all set up for me to watch. I am going to enjoy awesome macaroni and cheese, guilt-free, because it hits the spot and nothing says comfort food like mac'n'cheese.


In the midst of trying to be nostalgic and full of hope in writing in this, tears of pure sadness are falling down my face. A deep sadness that comes from somewhere dark. A spot that has probably always been there but feels like uncharted territory because I haven't experienced much devastation. While writing typically makes me feel better, I cannot help but think all these sentiments should have been written in a card that was sent directly to her, not in this fashion. Luckily, I sent an email that showed my gratitude and undying devotion to her just 23 days before she died, that she replied "thank you for one your best letters to me yet."

Cancer is a nasty beast and it's running rampant without a care in the world. The cancer doesn't know you've lived your whole life caring for others, taking on their emotions, and looking for ways to be thoughtful and kind. The cancer doesn't know that you're the reason us girls are the whole package. We weren't just born with all of that, you cultivated your little daughter garden with some crazy Mom fertilizer for exponential growth in areas like respect, assertiveness training, perseverance, kindness, and confidence. We stand tall among women because we always had you not just cheering us on but encouraging us to be the best version of ourselves. I hope those notions give you peace. To be honest, you've achieved those things in record time so maybe you can consider your life to have been longer than you originally thought. You've lived long after you set us out into the world as women who inspire, educate and change the world around them for the better. I am not you, but so much like you. I will continue to be that way for my sisters and for my children.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Tribute to my Mom(This was my speech for her service)

My mom loved to celebrate. She celebrated life full of sports, music, our military, and especially her kids. She would always say "Children should be celebrated." The funny thing about quoting her is that she would always she was someone of few words. Her words made an impact and so did her actions. As we reminisced old stories and looking through even older photographs, she is clearly celebrating in them all! I'd love to share some stories and things that I hold fast to during this difficult time. I'm not going to say I lost my mom, because I didn't. I know where she is and I know she is celebrating up there with some long lost loved ones who she's been missing dearly. The day she passed we were recounting the stories of when she was little girl. Having four older brothers played a big role in these stories as you could imagine. One of my favorites was when her brothers told her that she could be Queen for the day if she sat on the throne-shaped ca

No Regrets

The few days before my mom passed, she asked me if there was anything I needed to tell her or share with her as her time was nearing an end. It didn't take me long to say, "No, Mom. I know that you know just how much I love you." We were fortunate to have been in an open, loving relationship where we have always been honest. When I say fortunate I mean I'm happy that we have always been deliberate in expressing our feelings, especially the warm fuzzy ones. I feel gracious to not have to be reconciling or apologizing for long lost grudges or arguments during those last days. That wasn't our style. We wrote cards to each other that took up the entire blank side with an outpouring of our deepest emotions not just on holidays but year-round. I didn't anticipate what a relief that would be in this moment. No regrets. No sadness about our past, just love. Deep, raw, mother-daughter "me and you against the world" kind of bond that will not end now but co

One Year Without You

I've been trying to write this for 2 months anticipating or rather dreading this day September 26th, 2018. Marking one entire year without my mom. How is that possible? Months ago, I thought I'd have pushed through to the 'other side' by now. Finding this quote has given me more courage to endure grief. I don't have high expectations of what it will look like each day but I do know this. I retain those deep, raw maternal sentiments she gushed onto me with her loving eyes, her gentle arms and her supportive words within the woven fabric of my soul. What if those pieces unravel? Who will be there to mend them? To sew a new patch? I have to do that. On my own. I will have to care for myself in the ways she taught me. For this reason I dug deeper than ever before into my purpose as a mother and wife. It's beyond fulfilling and I am finally reaping what I have worked so hard to achieve. A loving, wholesome family built on values, respect, and over-the-top "cel