Parkes Family

June 17th, 2018 A book from Tezra from a mother who is giving her daughter advice about what to do when  she's gone. It's touching and hits so deep I can only read a few pages at a time. Allison wanted to know the book and then asked, "Mom could  you pass it down to me when you die?" (insert sobbing mom eyes here). "Yes, of course."   I'm still hurting. I still catching myself calling my mom on the phone. I'm still in disbelief she doesn't know my son. I am still grieving and I didn't know that until recently. Two nights ago, I was home with the kids alone and Allison went downstairs to bed. She came back up soon and said her stomach didn't feel right. I asked her all the typical mom questions. Are you hungry? Do you need to poop? Are you nervous? None of those. I asked if she wanted to cuddle on the couch (although I had been dreaming about my head hitting the pillow) and she said yes. My big 8 year old, 4...

I have been writing this post for the past month. I haven't been able to finish because of time or clarity or well... having a new baby... I never expected to feel so fulfilled, loved and in love all at one time with the arrival of our sweet boy. My home is bursting at the seams with love. Unconditional love from my husband and a whole new big sister kind of love from my daughter. The arrival of our little John boy has changed us forever, in a way we didn't know we all needed. How could something make you feel complete without ever having felt like something was missing? Yes, we are tired. I am getting over the flu. My house is not clean and our meals are more like a smorgasbord, but I am ok with it. I'm ok with it now because last time around I had higher expectations of myself which led to guilt and unhappiness. I am consciously trying to cut myself some slack even compliment myself even when I can hardly think of something worthy of complimenting! (Wow, you sh...

Baking you cookies to coax you to come out! Sweet son of mine, you are already exhausting my patience. Sometimes the excitement of meeting you and the discomfort of the pregnancy together make it hard to wait. I know it will be worth it, but I'm so anxious. I tear up just thinking about the first time your big sister sees and holds you for the first time. Allison cannot stop talking about how she is looking forward to snuggling a baby everyday. She wants to be a part of everything. Not only will it be different to have you join our family but she is taking on a new and different role as an older sibling and I think you'll be quite enamored with her. She's very special and we know the two of you will be lifelong friends. Your father and I changed our minds in having another by going through things over the past years where we leaned on our own siblings. We came to a point where we could no longer justify not 'giving' Allison a sibling for life's journeys. ...