Parkes Family

34 weeks and counting... The nesting phase has officially begun... Christmas decor put away- check! House cleaned and floors mopped- check!  Closet organized-check!  Baby clothes washed and sorted- Check!  Call mom to alleviate fears of natural delivery- No check... My mom had a cesarian with me and then successfully had a natural delivery with Brianna 9 years later. I am almost in the same boat now. There's so much I want to know about her experience. I want to know everything. I am trying to conquer my fear of labor by reading books and diving into research. While that is serving its purpose in making me feel like I'm making an educated, "this is what's right for me," decision, I still want to hear my mom's 2 cents. I think she would support me but also honestly tell me the cons along with pros so I felt prepared. She didn't sugar coat anything for me because she knew I needed facts. I know that in order for me not to worry about som...

The good ole days hosting Christmas at my Mom's house. I know that most people associate holidays with stress, but I usually don't feel that way. Over time, I realized how fortunate I was that Christmastime happened to involve a few of my most favorite things coming together beautifully: card writing, gift buying, reminiscing nostalgic traditions while making new ones and being festive in a more often tacky than classy sort of fashion. Allison's 1st Christmas    While this holiday season will surely be different this year, I've been able to to rely on those integral parts of the holiday.  It helps to have Allison around to keep my spirits high. This past week provided unexpected sadness that I wasn't prepared for. I had to redo my address labels and realized that I wouldn't be making one for my Mom. It was hard for me to cross her name out. I also was looking at my gift app that shows my mom's name from last year. I won't be doing that either...

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. Mom, So for a while I was relieved that you were not in pain anymore. None of the suffering. None of the heartache. But you're healed now, so can you come back? We need you. We are struggling without you. How can it feel like I need you to get through losing you ? For some reason, I think about calling you for advice on how to deal, how to help support the girls, how to take better care of myself through this process. I'll have to rely on my memory to carry me through the rest of my life, hoping that it doesn't fail me when I need you most. How do I recreate those hugs? Or that look on your face that made me feel like I was the best decision you'd ever made? Or times when you said the right thing at the right time in a way no one else could? Those images and sentiments are imprinted on the "refrigerator door" of my heart. I...