Skip to main content

Dear Christmassy Allison

Dear Allison, my heart is full at this time of year but this year seems different. It may be because we've spent a lot of time together after me not working for a year. I just can't wait to celebrate the holidays with you!
You are a very sentimental and thoughtful person and it makes me feel complete when I'm with you. I feel like we are in sync lately and I can't get enough of it. Trust me you're not always perfect and sweet but you're perfect for me just the way you are. There are so many little things that never melted my heart the way they do now and I finally understand what it feels like to be a mom. A real mom where you constantly feel like you don't want anything bad to ever happen to your child, very 'Mama Bear' like! I'm feeling vulnerable and for the first time I'm not fighting it and it feels good.
There is a famous quote and I'm forgetting the author at the moment but it says something to the effect of it being a momentous decision to have a child and let your heart go walking around outside of your body. This resonates with me and should really help you understand how I'm feeling.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Tribute to my Mom(This was my speech for her service)

My mom loved to celebrate. She celebrated life full of sports, music, our military, and especially her kids. She would always say "Children should be celebrated." The funny thing about quoting her is that she would always she was someone of few words. Her words made an impact and so did her actions. As we reminisced old stories and looking through even older photographs, she is clearly celebrating in them all! I'd love to share some stories and things that I hold fast to during this difficult time. I'm not going to say I lost my mom, because I didn't. I know where she is and I know she is celebrating up there with some long lost loved ones who she's been missing dearly. The day she passed we were recounting the stories of when she was little girl. Having four older brothers played a big role in these stories as you could imagine. One of my favorites was when her brothers told her that she could be Queen for the day if she sat on the throne-shaped ca

No Regrets

The few days before my mom passed, she asked me if there was anything I needed to tell her or share with her as her time was nearing an end. It didn't take me long to say, "No, Mom. I know that you know just how much I love you." We were fortunate to have been in an open, loving relationship where we have always been honest. When I say fortunate I mean I'm happy that we have always been deliberate in expressing our feelings, especially the warm fuzzy ones. I feel gracious to not have to be reconciling or apologizing for long lost grudges or arguments during those last days. That wasn't our style. We wrote cards to each other that took up the entire blank side with an outpouring of our deepest emotions not just on holidays but year-round. I didn't anticipate what a relief that would be in this moment. No regrets. No sadness about our past, just love. Deep, raw, mother-daughter "me and you against the world" kind of bond that will not end now but co

One Year Without You

I've been trying to write this for 2 months anticipating or rather dreading this day September 26th, 2018. Marking one entire year without my mom. How is that possible? Months ago, I thought I'd have pushed through to the 'other side' by now. Finding this quote has given me more courage to endure grief. I don't have high expectations of what it will look like each day but I do know this. I retain those deep, raw maternal sentiments she gushed onto me with her loving eyes, her gentle arms and her supportive words within the woven fabric of my soul. What if those pieces unravel? Who will be there to mend them? To sew a new patch? I have to do that. On my own. I will have to care for myself in the ways she taught me. For this reason I dug deeper than ever before into my purpose as a mother and wife. It's beyond fulfilling and I am finally reaping what I have worked so hard to achieve. A loving, wholesome family built on values, respect, and over-the-top "cel