So my last post was to my sweetest little festive thang (AKA Allison) and nothing has changed from then. She has lit up the holiday season I'll tell you that much! I feel so fortunate to feel the magic of Christmas like I did as a child. I am absolutely in love with my little family.
My mom said it right when she told me that I couldn't have found a more perfect husband for me than John. He is so festive too and I wouldn't have it any other way. Some of the time I think we were more excited that Allison. Poor thing didn't even believe it was Christmas on Christmas morning since we have been celebrating/decorating since the week before Thanksgiving! She was very grateful for her gifts and I am grateful for all the people who take pride in buying her (and me and John) special things. I am such a gift giver and feel so rewarded buying something thoughtful for someone else. It was neat to see Allison give gifts and take ownership since she shopped with me, wrapped with me and also spent time making gifts! 
For the past six months or so I have felt like a good mom, not just for a moment or a day but finally have felt like I am doing more good for her than detrimental. This sounds lightheartedly but most moms know it isn't. I do think it's taken me an extraordinarily long time to feel like this though. I don't know why... I am super critical of myself and tend to hold myself to very high standards. I tend to expect this of others too. This is both good and bad. As a result, I have surrounded myself with people that bring out the best in me and vice versa. My mom had always said (about friends and boyfriends) that they were like extra curricular activities or sports... they should be bring out the best in you, challenge you to improve, cause you to strive to be a better person. At one time I took this too literally and now I think I have found a balance with friends and family.
I think Allison does bring out the best in me more often than the worst(cue 'Mommy Sippy Cup'). She does challenge me to be that person who excels at making anything a teachable moment. She also lets me be who I am and show her the reality of being a woman with confidence. I am so conscious of body image but she is a big reason I try to stay fit. I never show signs of insecurity with my body because she has been working out with me since she was in my belly. It's honest to be exercising and telling her I want to be healthy instead of questioning her if I look 'fat' in a certain outfit. She has been a part of my best and worst years as an adult. She is very sentimental like me and John. This is what will ground her regardless of her privileged life. We are so vocal with our feelings in this home. We do a lot of 'I love you's' out of the blue and spontaneous hugs and kisses. We also talk a lot about memories with family and gifts/artifacts that we hold close to our heart.
I have to say our marriage has contributed to Allison's sense of family and identity. John and I are deliberate about our marriage. It's like technology we have made it something to 'update' often!! I 💗 my little family.
For the past six months or so I have felt like a good mom, not just for a moment or a day but finally have felt like I am doing more good for her than detrimental. This sounds lightheartedly but most moms know it isn't. I do think it's taken me an extraordinarily long time to feel like this though. I don't know why... I am super critical of myself and tend to hold myself to very high standards. I tend to expect this of others too. This is both good and bad. As a result, I have surrounded myself with people that bring out the best in me and vice versa. My mom had always said (about friends and boyfriends) that they were like extra curricular activities or sports... they should be bring out the best in you, challenge you to improve, cause you to strive to be a better person. At one time I took this too literally and now I think I have found a balance with friends and family.
I think Allison does bring out the best in me more often than the worst(cue 'Mommy Sippy Cup'). She does challenge me to be that person who excels at making anything a teachable moment. She also lets me be who I am and show her the reality of being a woman with confidence. I am so conscious of body image but she is a big reason I try to stay fit. I never show signs of insecurity with my body because she has been working out with me since she was in my belly. It's honest to be exercising and telling her I want to be healthy instead of questioning her if I look 'fat' in a certain outfit. She has been a part of my best and worst years as an adult. She is very sentimental like me and John. This is what will ground her regardless of her privileged life. We are so vocal with our feelings in this home. We do a lot of 'I love you's' out of the blue and spontaneous hugs and kisses. We also talk a lot about memories with family and gifts/artifacts that we hold close to our heart.
I have to say our marriage has contributed to Allison's sense of family and identity. John and I are deliberate about our marriage. It's like technology we have made it something to 'update' often!! I 💗 my little family.
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