Dear Mom,
How did you do it!? This mom thing is so hard right now. I don't know if it's the ages of the kids not meshing well... I already checked and the full moon isn't coming for another couple of weeks (I remember my kindergarteners' behavior being a sort of barometric gauge for changes in atmosphere). In one given day not everyone is happy at the same time and if they are the moment is fleeting. Allison is clearly embarking on the hormonal elevator and John boy is well...a toddler and they act quite similar more times than not. My WTF lines between my brows are deepening and so is my taste for new adult beverages and heavy lifting. It feels like survival somedays and other moments I feel like I am killing it.
Here's some perspective: Take baby to daycare, grocery shop in the madhouse pre-4th of July crowd, take Allison to the YMCA for mommy and me time, take Allison to dance, pick up baby, pick up Allison, feed everyone, and decide what I'll be drinking a hard seltzer or is a Jack and Diet kind of night...
The day doesn't sound awfully bad does it? Let's sprinkle in some tantrums, forgetting underwear between swimming and dance with a "chop chop" JCPenney trip so we're not late for dance, John boy bitting and head butting me like a goat, more mood swings, dinner disappointment, "where is my..." and so on...
Luckily, what I chose to remember what the blissful hour and a half swimming with Allison where we belly laughed like crazy, when she spontaneously announced how much she loved me and that she passed her swim test she'd been dreading for years! That was the best part of my day and I told her that. I told her that because it was the truth. I told her that so she knew that she had the power in her words and actions to make or break someone's day. Even a grown ass adult's day! That's the God's honest truth. It's so hard not to take these ups and downs personally. I tend to absorb people's moods. It's called being a highly sensitive person (HSP) Highly Sensitive Person I am very in tuned to the subtleties of those around me and not always by choice. Unfortunately, I cannot avoid chaotic high intensity situations while raising two humans. It's just not in the cards to deal the way I do socially.
News flash: people of all ages have BIG emotions. It's quite likely for kids to have emotions they can express with ease while others hit them like wildfire...you know the ones that cause the meltdowns (cue knitted brow here) and the straight up F-U looks that make you wish you had ninja skills? I try to combat those intense highs and lows with a balance of these frequent inner monologues: this is just a phase, this isn't a reflection on you, how can I fix this or teach a life skill, can I lock myself in a room for a few minutes without anyone noticing (yeah right! I literally had both kids and the dog in the doorway when I was going to the bathroom yesterday!), is this behavior indicative of something bigger or just a fleeting fit?
It's exhausting. Some days I want to read everything I can get my hands on to make myself a better wife, mom, teacher, and other days I am struggling to find ways to unwind and just relax! The balance is hard. It's no easy task. Some days I crave both more knowledge and the ability to just sit in one place without a phone in hand or something on the tv. I suppose I am always trying to find levity in situations but some come easier than others. My therapist would say if you're aware and thinking about this you're on the right track! Ok, here I am on the right track. I will say I took advantage of John boy's early wake up this morning to not go back to bed, drink coffee in silence and cathartically write about my mommy woes. This will undoubtedly make my day better. I know this about myself. Like Rachel Hollis mentioned in Stop Apologizing, wake up before your kids because if you don't you're on the defense automatically when they come asking for something or are wailing on the monitor. Some days the comfort of my bed wins over this whole silent coffee drinking mental wellness option!
You win some you lose some. It's way easier to look back at the day and find solace than judge yourself in the thick of it all. It reminds me of an analogy I heard when I first started teaching that the amount of decisions made by a teacher (or mom) is likely as many as a soldier in the field. The decisions are menial in our case when is dinner, if they can go outside, how much screen time, when to reapply sunscreen, can they have a snack, blah blah blah. It's exhausting. Did I say that already? Thank goodness for exercise, vitamin B12, outlets like this, California king-sized beds with inviting blankets, good friends and close family and of courseWhite Claws and/or whiskey!
How did you do it!? This mom thing is so hard right now. I don't know if it's the ages of the kids not meshing well... I already checked and the full moon isn't coming for another couple of weeks (I remember my kindergarteners' behavior being a sort of barometric gauge for changes in atmosphere). In one given day not everyone is happy at the same time and if they are the moment is fleeting. Allison is clearly embarking on the hormonal elevator and John boy is well...a toddler and they act quite similar more times than not. My WTF lines between my brows are deepening and so is my taste for new adult beverages and heavy lifting. It feels like survival somedays and other moments I feel like I am killing it.
Here's some perspective: Take baby to daycare, grocery shop in the madhouse pre-4th of July crowd, take Allison to the YMCA for mommy and me time, take Allison to dance, pick up baby, pick up Allison, feed everyone, and decide what I'll be drinking a hard seltzer or is a Jack and Diet kind of night...
The day doesn't sound awfully bad does it? Let's sprinkle in some tantrums, forgetting underwear between swimming and dance with a "chop chop" JCPenney trip so we're not late for dance, John boy bitting and head butting me like a goat, more mood swings, dinner disappointment, "where is my..." and so on...
Luckily, what I chose to remember what the blissful hour and a half swimming with Allison where we belly laughed like crazy, when she spontaneously announced how much she loved me and that she passed her swim test she'd been dreading for years! That was the best part of my day and I told her that. I told her that because it was the truth. I told her that so she knew that she had the power in her words and actions to make or break someone's day. Even a grown ass adult's day! That's the God's honest truth. It's so hard not to take these ups and downs personally. I tend to absorb people's moods. It's called being a highly sensitive person (HSP) Highly Sensitive Person I am very in tuned to the subtleties of those around me and not always by choice. Unfortunately, I cannot avoid chaotic high intensity situations while raising two humans. It's just not in the cards to deal the way I do socially.
News flash: people of all ages have BIG emotions. It's quite likely for kids to have emotions they can express with ease while others hit them like wildfire...you know the ones that cause the meltdowns (cue knitted brow here) and the straight up F-U looks that make you wish you had ninja skills? I try to combat those intense highs and lows with a balance of these frequent inner monologues: this is just a phase, this isn't a reflection on you, how can I fix this or teach a life skill, can I lock myself in a room for a few minutes without anyone noticing (yeah right! I literally had both kids and the dog in the doorway when I was going to the bathroom yesterday!), is this behavior indicative of something bigger or just a fleeting fit?
It's exhausting. Some days I want to read everything I can get my hands on to make myself a better wife, mom, teacher, and other days I am struggling to find ways to unwind and just relax! The balance is hard. It's no easy task. Some days I crave both more knowledge and the ability to just sit in one place without a phone in hand or something on the tv. I suppose I am always trying to find levity in situations but some come easier than others. My therapist would say if you're aware and thinking about this you're on the right track! Ok, here I am on the right track. I will say I took advantage of John boy's early wake up this morning to not go back to bed, drink coffee in silence and cathartically write about my mommy woes. This will undoubtedly make my day better. I know this about myself. Like Rachel Hollis mentioned in Stop Apologizing, wake up before your kids because if you don't you're on the defense automatically when they come asking for something or are wailing on the monitor. Some days the comfort of my bed wins over this whole silent coffee drinking mental wellness option!
You win some you lose some. It's way easier to look back at the day and find solace than judge yourself in the thick of it all. It reminds me of an analogy I heard when I first started teaching that the amount of decisions made by a teacher (or mom) is likely as many as a soldier in the field. The decisions are menial in our case when is dinner, if they can go outside, how much screen time, when to reapply sunscreen, can they have a snack, blah blah blah. It's exhausting. Did I say that already? Thank goodness for exercise, vitamin B12, outlets like this, California king-sized beds with inviting blankets, good friends and close family and of courseWhite Claws and/or whiskey!
I guess what I’m saying Mom is: 1- thank you foreverything you did. 2- I wish you were a phone call away for days like these. 3- I feel like you still bin moments like in the pool I felt like Allison was me and I was you and it all felt so right.
Missing you,
Your Babycakes
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