Motherhood Madness Part I

Motherhood is not glamorous. It can be thankless, exhausting, and trying work. It can also be rewarding, fun, and beautiful. Come to think of it, it can be all of those things in one given moment. Nothing can prepare you for it. The best preparation, for me like many women, is remembering how my mom did it. I've been wanting to write a post as a tribute to all the moms out there crushing it or being crushed by this totalizing, full-time job called motherhood around Mother's Day. It will likely be a collection of my stories, memories of my mom, my friends' experiences and a variety of books I've read some of them being: Perfect Madness Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety and The Mask of Motherhood How Becoming a Mother Changes Our Lives and Why We Never Talk About It. 

DISCLAIMER: This post is neither judgmental or preachy. It's an attempt to create solidarity with those out there tackling the hardest, most important jobs of their lives. 

Often times I feel a sense of unity with another mom when I hear her use a familiar mom phrase. It makes me think that we are all doing this the best we can however there are some things we all say some form of such as:
"Chop, chop, girls!" My mother said this countless times trying to wrangle three girls into our rad Previa van to go who knows where in order to get there timely enough without looking too disheveled. This phrase was sometimes coupled hand clapping as a sort of cadence.
"Just say ok" Good grief! If I hear my kid say, "I know" when I tell her to do something I am going to lose my mind and join the circus. My inner monologue: "If you knew then why didn't you do it!?"
"Nobody wants to hear/see that" or "that's ugly." My way of telling my child that the fit or holier than thou behavior is unbecoming and I don't want to see it so no one else does either. And because you don't care that I don't like it then maybe telling you others don't will get you stop?? #desperation #hailmary #whateverittakes
"Be nice"On so many levels. This starts when your once precious, polite infant starts to claw at your face or pull your hair or take a toy and hit you right between the eyes. It continues when your four year-old going on 17 gets a hold of some sass, eye rolling, and arm crossing. My inner monologue:  Just be kind. It's not that hard."

We are all trying to survive and somedays we are actually trying to kill it being a supermom. These are the days when you are likely to text/post/snap the list of tasks you completed with all the kids in tow, regardless of you being sick and the baby having a blow out in the car. And if you're lucky as I am, your tribe will boost your ego not scoff at your top of the mountain sharing. This is what it's all about. We share/post positive things not because we are trying to fake it or make it seem that our life is all cupcakes and rainbows (yes, that is a Trolls reference). Those happy, seemingly perfect moments we share are likely the minority of moments in our mom days. I would guess the majority of the time most of us are questioning our skillset, drowning in housework, struggling to not to over schedule ourselves, and straight up just feeling tired. I mean exhausted...

Here's my two cents: keep sharing whatever you feel comfortable sharing with me. I appreciate hearing all mom perspectives. I find humor in the sarcastic accounts of raising humans, but I also love it when I can tell a mom friend is feeling good about herself as a mother. I am not jealous I am hopeful. I am inspired and I am happy for her!! Sometimes I am in utter amazement that my mom friends are juggling what they are! I don't compare my challenges with theirs. Apples and oranges. But I do try to find solidarity in momming next to them. I try to learn from them and find beauty amidst the chaos. The truth is this: Moms love their kids so hard that sometimes they do the best for them and sometimes they don't. The intention is pure and comes from so deep within it's hard to be rational sometimes. It's ethereal and raw and beautifully disorganized all at the same time.
Everyone has their own brand of motherhood, how they are or not defined by its parameters. Here's mine, for better or worse:

Creative/artistic expression: dance, music, crafts (a shit ton of glitter!), and open ended recycling of stuff around the house. Over scheduled children can have a hard time with open-ended, unstructured play time. There are more limits on creativity in schools and I feel the need to foster it at home. And side note: it's absolutely cathartic for me to craft too so it's a win win for mom and child mental health wellness!

Health: Fitness because you love your body not for punishment, eating for fuel and fun as a balance, eating organic for the 'Dirty Dozen' foods because like Jesus- I'm not positive it's the real deal but I don't want to find out it is when it's too late! I want my children to understand food not just calories or fat grams. I enjoy exercising with Allison and complimenting her  on her strong legs and her flexibility.

Humor: Almost everything in life can be funny. To be able to add levity to any situation is a skill! Children are up against a lot of challenges with the advanced technology and communication abilities and will surely need a way to diffuse a situation or get a break from reality.

Commitment: If you commit to something, you do it. Even if the feeling you had when you said you would has left. Follow through. RSVP. Show up for your own life and for those you love!

Education: School is important but learning is more important in whatever capacity that is. I will forever be a lifelong learner and hope that rubs off on my children. I will pursue more education and further my career while being the best mom I can be. I am not shortchanging either side but finding the balance. I want my daughter to know she doesn't have to sacrifice being a mom if she has career goals. I also want my son to believe his wife and the women around him can be both a great mom and great in the career world.

Affection: A main love language in our house is physical touch. We all thrive on it and can feel good from a hug, snuggle, pat on the back, hand holding, for days and days! there is no shortage of skin to skin contact. We crave it and pass it out like candy. We also say "I love you" to each other at least 2x a day. It just feels so right to do and receive.


Again, this is how I see it. These attributes are very much so #teachermom things. That's true. But like I've said before a dentist mom will have children who floss nightly (not me). A hair stylist mom will have her kids' haircuts timely and styles on point (not me). A healthcare mom will likely have effective ways to handle injuries or sicknesses (not me). A stay at home mom will probably value routine (not me at all). We cannot do it all. Do you know how long it's taken me to just be able to put that out there? I'll be honest sometimes I think it's possible to have my cake and eat it too. That's just crazy all moms know you'd have to hide and eat that cake in privacy probably while you were going to the bathroom with a locked door... Does that make me optimistic that I have high hopes for my life and my children? An irrational looney bird? Or a victim to societal ideals of motherhood? You decide. Years ago a therapist made me repeat this mantra ten times in a row when he realized I was doing nothing short of trying to make all parts of my life just-so

"Things cannot be perfect all the time." I say this somedays and add "but I will do my best everyday. Sometimes that looks like a rockstar 110% and sometimes just meh 80%. This is me as a mom for better or worse. I'm thinking if it's better more often than it's the worst I'm doing alright. If you're still reading you are doing alright too!