10/9/16
Hello World! I took a break from Blogging, mostly because Blogger changed and I couldn't figure out how to write! I'm back in full effect... full-time working, full-time mom and fully loaded with responsibilities! Guess what!? I'm digging it! I haven't felt this confident and happy in a long time! I am working in a professional setting where I feel my intelligence is respected and appreciated. I feel good at what I do bringing back life into the email signature I have used for years "Do what you love, love what you do."
It's a balancing act and sometimes I feel like I'm on unicycle and sometimes I feel that I magically became an octopus mom with eight hands and the juggling seems easy! I now relish in those ups and downs. The important part is to not let those ups get too high (builds up way too much expectation) and the downs not to get too low (so that I don't have to work to hard to break even!).
Here's where I'm at parenting:
Allison and I are adjusting to a new schedule. She gets to spend one day a week with Grandma and then off to two dance classes while I'm teaching until 9:30. Some days a neighbor or auntie picks her up from school. I get to pick her up most Friday's and Dad picks her up on Thursdays. Wow... it's a lot of work to make sure that happens, but you know what!? I now look forward to picking her up directly from school (instead of a 5:30 at after school care). I wasn't always feeling that way last year when 2:15 rolled around and I felt like I hadn't done half of my to do list! Allison wishes I could pick her up everyday like how it's been for the past couple of years. I forgot that she doesn't remember what it's like when I am working full-time. She was 3 when I went to part-time and I am so happy that her earliest memories are from crafting at the dinner table on off days from preschool or right after Kindergarten. In retrospect, it was impeccable timing that I was able to spend those crucial to development years with her. It feels good to be at the point where I can say that!
11/8/16
Apparently this is more like a journal/diary since I never feel finished enough to publish! I will honestly say that by reading my last posts a month ago I am more in the routine and not as bubbly about it all. I am in the thick of it now. I would say that while my energy is not what it was when I first started, that's not what keeps me going. I am reminded often about how valuable I am in my position and that for me, after two years of working my tail off, it's worth it. I feel competent in the rewriting of courses I am doing, the evaluations and suggestions I am making to improve instructor's practices, and my teaching abilities. Between colleague compliments and positive student emails, I am feeling like I am in the right place. It's taken a few years , but I feel deserving of this.
Here's where I'm (WE ARE) at parenting:
Last week, we grounded Allison as our Hail Mary because we were clearly out of options. Let's just say we are trying to tame the sass into class! John and I are a true team and typically do not decide anything major without consulting with each other. For that partnership, I am grateful and feel fully supported when I'm about say or do something that Allison will not like. I think to myself, I am usually quite happy if one of the two loves of my life and I are on the same page. Sounds like 50% would be failing but I am happy with that score on most days. Besides, it's usually more like 60/40!
Grounding consisted of:
We picked out her clothes (this was the doozy of all!).
We picked what she ate for all meals.
We picked how she spent her time.
We did not falter.
We were consistent and it worked.
But it was a looooong 4 days. John and I wondered, is she just going to shut down!? How much longer can she take this? Well the answer was four days.
We have noticed HUGE improvements, not perfection. Great thing is, since we are such experts, we didn't expect perfection. We were and still are happy with the results. Allison says, "ok, Mom" or "ok, Dad" more readily now instead of the onslaught of reasons why our request would need to wait. Situations that may have resulted in fits have decreased in intensity.
As I was teaching my Introduction to Early Childhood Education class, I came to an epiphany in the middle of the grounding phase. I do believe my students actually saw the lightbulb buzzing around my head. We were discussing Erikson's psychosocial stages of development when I came across the stages of 6-11 year olds. I thought old Erik Erikson was writing about my child!! At this stage, children are becoming aware of social acceptance. A lot of Allison's attitude changes have been based around what her friends are doing and not doing (i.e. she rarely wants to be sung or read to at night before bed anymore- insert sad crying emoji here). She has been pos the receiving end (and possibly the delivery too) of some clique and exclusion at school in the past month.
From research that over praising and letting the Mama Bear come out isn't always helpful. It's natural to just want to hug her and tell everything I think she is to me (and the world) but she needs unconditional love and that's not always praise. It may in the form of new rules, guidance, more modeling, etc. I am firm believer that saying "good job" all the time only creates a child who is always looking for praise in an judgmental/ evaluating way. Acknowledging children by noticing what they do is just as effective. Children want your attention not your evaluation, but when you judge their project or performance by using adjectives (good, perfect, pretty, nice) then they come to expect that.
In hopes of actually publishing, I will keep it at that with work and parenting updates. More to come soon. Maybe a lighter more refreshing post, but that's what Facebook is for, right!?
Hello World! I took a break from Blogging, mostly because Blogger changed and I couldn't figure out how to write! I'm back in full effect... full-time working, full-time mom and fully loaded with responsibilities! Guess what!? I'm digging it! I haven't felt this confident and happy in a long time! I am working in a professional setting where I feel my intelligence is respected and appreciated. I feel good at what I do bringing back life into the email signature I have used for years "Do what you love, love what you do."
It's a balancing act and sometimes I feel like I'm on unicycle and sometimes I feel that I magically became an octopus mom with eight hands and the juggling seems easy! I now relish in those ups and downs. The important part is to not let those ups get too high (builds up way too much expectation) and the downs not to get too low (so that I don't have to work to hard to break even!).
Here's where I'm at parenting:
Allison and I are adjusting to a new schedule. She gets to spend one day a week with Grandma and then off to two dance classes while I'm teaching until 9:30. Some days a neighbor or auntie picks her up from school. I get to pick her up most Friday's and Dad picks her up on Thursdays. Wow... it's a lot of work to make sure that happens, but you know what!? I now look forward to picking her up directly from school (instead of a 5:30 at after school care). I wasn't always feeling that way last year when 2:15 rolled around and I felt like I hadn't done half of my to do list! Allison wishes I could pick her up everyday like how it's been for the past couple of years. I forgot that she doesn't remember what it's like when I am working full-time. She was 3 when I went to part-time and I am so happy that her earliest memories are from crafting at the dinner table on off days from preschool or right after Kindergarten. In retrospect, it was impeccable timing that I was able to spend those crucial to development years with her. It feels good to be at the point where I can say that!
11/8/16
Apparently this is more like a journal/diary since I never feel finished enough to publish! I will honestly say that by reading my last posts a month ago I am more in the routine and not as bubbly about it all. I am in the thick of it now. I would say that while my energy is not what it was when I first started, that's not what keeps me going. I am reminded often about how valuable I am in my position and that for me, after two years of working my tail off, it's worth it. I feel competent in the rewriting of courses I am doing, the evaluations and suggestions I am making to improve instructor's practices, and my teaching abilities. Between colleague compliments and positive student emails, I am feeling like I am in the right place. It's taken a few years , but I feel deserving of this.
Here's where I'm (WE ARE) at parenting:
Last week, we grounded Allison as our Hail Mary because we were clearly out of options. Let's just say we are trying to tame the sass into class! John and I are a true team and typically do not decide anything major without consulting with each other. For that partnership, I am grateful and feel fully supported when I'm about say or do something that Allison will not like. I think to myself, I am usually quite happy if one of the two loves of my life and I are on the same page. Sounds like 50% would be failing but I am happy with that score on most days. Besides, it's usually more like 60/40!
Grounding consisted of:
We picked out her clothes (this was the doozy of all!).
We picked what she ate for all meals.
We picked how she spent her time.
We did not falter.
We were consistent and it worked.
But it was a looooong 4 days. John and I wondered, is she just going to shut down!? How much longer can she take this? Well the answer was four days.
We have noticed HUGE improvements, not perfection. Great thing is, since we are such experts, we didn't expect perfection. We were and still are happy with the results. Allison says, "ok, Mom" or "ok, Dad" more readily now instead of the onslaught of reasons why our request would need to wait. Situations that may have resulted in fits have decreased in intensity.
As I was teaching my Introduction to Early Childhood Education class, I came to an epiphany in the middle of the grounding phase. I do believe my students actually saw the lightbulb buzzing around my head. We were discussing Erikson's psychosocial stages of development when I came across the stages of 6-11 year olds. I thought old Erik Erikson was writing about my child!! At this stage, children are becoming aware of social acceptance. A lot of Allison's attitude changes have been based around what her friends are doing and not doing (i.e. she rarely wants to be sung or read to at night before bed anymore- insert sad crying emoji here). She has been pos the receiving end (and possibly the delivery too) of some clique and exclusion at school in the past month.
From research that over praising and letting the Mama Bear come out isn't always helpful. It's natural to just want to hug her and tell everything I think she is to me (and the world) but she needs unconditional love and that's not always praise. It may in the form of new rules, guidance, more modeling, etc. I am firm believer that saying "good job" all the time only creates a child who is always looking for praise in an judgmental/ evaluating way. Acknowledging children by noticing what they do is just as effective. Children want your attention not your evaluation, but when you judge their project or performance by using adjectives (good, perfect, pretty, nice) then they come to expect that.
At this stage, it is important for both parents and teachers to offer support and encouragement. However, adults should be careful not to equate achievement with acceptance and love. Unconditional love and support from adults can help all children through this stage, but particularly those who may struggle with feelings of inferiority.
Children who are overpraised, on the other hand, might develop a sense of arrogance. Clearly, balance plays a major role at this point in development. Parents can help kids develop a sense of realistic competence by avoiding excessive praise and rewards, encouraging efforts and helping kids develop a growth mindset. Even if children struggle in some areas of school, encouraging kids in areas in which they excel can help foster feelings of competence and achievement.
At some point, Allison will come across things that are difficult in school. I don't want her to think she is smart and things will always come easy. When she bring home stellar work I make sure to noticed how hard she worked and how that must feel really good about what she did. If she thinks being smart means that things will always be easy for her I am setting her up for failure. This is going to be a work in progress, but will be well worth it!In hopes of actually publishing, I will keep it at that with work and parenting updates. More to come soon. Maybe a lighter more refreshing post, but that's what Facebook is for, right!?
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