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My Kindergarten Kiddo


Getting Ready for School

I love school and I hope I have passed that down to my daughter. The moment we received our list of school supplies to buy I became giddy and so did she! So many choices, colors, textures, limitless possibilities for what those little crayons, markers and pencils would do this school year!! I have always loved buying things of that nature, my mom said a week before school I would organize and reorganize all of my supplies. I would take them in and out of my backpack stacking them and laying them out.
Back to school clothes shopping!? Yes, please! Even when I was teaching I would take myself back to school shopping! Allison was fortunate enough to have two grandmas shopping with her and spoiling her with hair accessories, shoes and darling little outfits she just must have!! I will say I really enjoyed going to consignment stores to find good deals on sweet Kindergarten Catholic school girl appropriate clothing!

The Big Day

Poor Allison had to come down from the high of having family come visit for two straight weeks up until the day she started school. Labor Day weekend was full of family, lake time, boat rides, swimming, s'mores and staying up late. Needless to say Allison hadn't been to bed that early in a few weeks.... well I take that back all summer. She is one of those kids who has never napped, doesn't fall asleep on the way home from a particularly exhausting outing or anything of the sort. Ideally, she would stay up until about 10 every night and wake up at 8. Someone pinch me, school starts at 7:40 sharp!! While my husband was driving our family back to the airport Allison and I finally had some down time the day before the big day. We talked a lot about Kindergarten and all she could say was, "I can't wait to learn how to count to 100 and read tomorrow!!" As the day progressed her excitement grew. She began talking what to wear, packing a lunch and wondering what friends from preschool would be there.
We laid out her handpicked outfit, new shoes, made a lunch of: a PB&J sandwich cutout with a heart shaped cookie cutter, string cheese, a rice cake, juice box, and carrots. We read Kindergarten Here I Come!  and we were off to the races.... 

First Day Jitters

She most definitely was not tired when we got ready for bed but there was no way around it- she was going to be getting up at 6:15 a.m. It would be still be dark for goodness sake! After our bedtime routine instead of kissing me she grabbed a hold of me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and kept saying, "I won't let you go, Mom. I'm not going to let you leave. I need you here with me." I was tired and wanted to get to bed but for once was able to step back, dig deep, and enjoy the moment. We held each other for a while (I know it was a long time because her clock that makes music for 45 minutes that I started when I was done singing to her had stopped!). Tons of cliches come to mind: Be in the moment.  Stop and smell the flowers. They grow up too fast. Enjoy it while it lasts. You won't even remember this in a few years (wrong! That's a big reason why I blog about motherhood!). 
After some serious embracing where she held my head on her chest and I transcended to mommy heaven, I was able to kiss her goodnight, tell her I loved her, and I would see my "Allison Parkes, Kindergartener" (from the book Anabelle Swift, Kindergartener) in the morning. Goodnight Allison. Goodnight Mommy? No, I got that wave of excitement I've had for this big day for years.

Teared Up

I know there is a stigma attached to both responses when sending your littles off to school, especially for the first time: 
a) I cried when I dropped them off, in the car, and on the way home.
b) Everything was awesome (cue Lego movie song). I'm so proud of _____!  I'm so happy right now! 

Well I subscribe to the philosophy 'a' listed above but I have come along way from rolling my eyes with disdain to hear and read (via facebook) about these tear jerking moments leaving their children at school. I know we are all different as moms and as sentimental as I am in general, I am not the cliche of motherhood by any means. I also know that my lack of tears in moments like this could be looked upon with disgust from a mother who portrays a mommy on a Pampers commercial. That's ok and we need to be ok with that. I honestly think when it comes to school and my Allison I am coming from a background in teaching and a true love for school, learning, school supplies and the institution of formal education. There is passion there and curiosity and so much wonder when it comes to Allison and learning. She started to read this summer! I felt relieved I hadn't set her up with flashcards from day one but truly letting it all unfold naturally. 
Hands down one of those most beautiful things you can ever witness. 
I use the word 'witness' on purpose because at that moment I am in awe watching her break apart familiar words and giving it all she's got d I am also at this point (different from mini toddler triumphs where I taught her how to do something) not taking full responsibility for what she is doing, completely independently. 

Maybe that's why my tears that first day of Kindergarten did not entail a sorrow, a longing for her to be with me at home, or concern for her safety. It came from me almost letting my anxiety get the best of me. I almost worried that I didn't prepare her enough. Would she feel confident enough to speak up for herself? Would she feel that sense of wonder at all the new books on the shelves, the brand new crayons, and novelty of a new classroom, new teacher and new routines? 
I was almost more sad that I didn't know what she was doing or feeling at the moment throughout the day because I wanted to be living vicariously through her. I was torn up of whether I was feeling sorry for myself not teaching and bringing this passion to children, or worrying about Allison creating a memorable first day of Kindergarten that would root the same deep passion I have for learning...

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