Is there anything better than holiday celebrations with family, friends, traveling to wine and dine with those so close to us!? I am so blessed to have done this for nearly three weeks in a row! Allison is spoiled rotten now because she has probably been to 10 homes with Christmas trees and asked, like all three year olds would, "Is there a present under there for me?" Only to be answered with a delightful, "yes." ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? ok. ok... she's not the only one being spoiled around here!
I can't help but think that each Christmas season beats the next- there's no other reason for that except people because the holiday itself doesn't change only locations (Michigan-California) but it's changing because bonds are deepening and relationships are growing...
I have experienced some hardships in the past few years- starting with giving birth to Allison. I struggled with severe postpartum depression resulting to constant feelings of guilt that I wasn't the mom I was "supposed to be." I read books like Tiger Mom, the Mask of Motherhood, I Was a good Mom Before I Became a Mom and such...
I started to realize that this feeling of being overwhelmed by pressure to be supermom is fair greater than just a societal issue. I have always considered myself one to be free of doubt in my originality- I've never felt more self-conscious than once I had Allison. NO ONE was making me feel inferior but me...
How awful- I can't blame society or anyone or anything but myself. I somehow painted a picture of who I was going to be as a mom and it turned out merely a facade. I am woman of independence and struggled with having someone so dependent on me that I started to question my credentials in being a mother. This sounds absurd writing it and irrational but it's something I struggled with a lot then and occasionally now.
Through therapy and support from family and friends I have learned to accept my type of mothering which includes but is not limited to: using an ipad or a movie to get things done around the house, exercising with Allison in the room, making healthy meals and sneaking in treats too, working late or taking time to do things that will make me more relaxed once I'm with my daughter, and especially paying close attention to my husband and our marriage. We both literally follow the philosophy of what have you done for your marriage lately? Cheesey? Not even close. There are so many ways to show love and affection for someone from text messages to an extra kiss on the way out the door in the morning to ensure a good start (Start me up!). I am a mother but I am also dedicated wife, a loving daughter, a confidant to my sisters, a superb student, creative teacher, good friend and more... and all of those things is what fulfills my life not just being a mommy and I am ok with that.
That is enough and it has to be enough because that is how I was put together and I do my best everyday. My therapist says, if you always give your best on that particular day, no one can ask any more of you... sometimes that may be at 80% or 100% but knowing that you're giving it all you have at the moment will comfort you when you are lacking in the next.
Signing off....
I'm thinking I might need to get started on writing my book- after I finish this Master's thesis of course! Farewell folks and thanks for walking around in my labyrinth of a brain today!
I can't help but think that each Christmas season beats the next- there's no other reason for that except people because the holiday itself doesn't change only locations (Michigan-California) but it's changing because bonds are deepening and relationships are growing...
I have experienced some hardships in the past few years- starting with giving birth to Allison. I struggled with severe postpartum depression resulting to constant feelings of guilt that I wasn't the mom I was "supposed to be." I read books like Tiger Mom, the Mask of Motherhood, I Was a good Mom Before I Became a Mom and such...
I started to realize that this feeling of being overwhelmed by pressure to be supermom is fair greater than just a societal issue. I have always considered myself one to be free of doubt in my originality- I've never felt more self-conscious than once I had Allison. NO ONE was making me feel inferior but me...
How awful- I can't blame society or anyone or anything but myself. I somehow painted a picture of who I was going to be as a mom and it turned out merely a facade. I am woman of independence and struggled with having someone so dependent on me that I started to question my credentials in being a mother. This sounds absurd writing it and irrational but it's something I struggled with a lot then and occasionally now.
Through therapy and support from family and friends I have learned to accept my type of mothering which includes but is not limited to: using an ipad or a movie to get things done around the house, exercising with Allison in the room, making healthy meals and sneaking in treats too, working late or taking time to do things that will make me more relaxed once I'm with my daughter, and especially paying close attention to my husband and our marriage. We both literally follow the philosophy of what have you done for your marriage lately? Cheesey? Not even close. There are so many ways to show love and affection for someone from text messages to an extra kiss on the way out the door in the morning to ensure a good start (Start me up!). I am a mother but I am also dedicated wife, a loving daughter, a confidant to my sisters, a superb student, creative teacher, good friend and more... and all of those things is what fulfills my life not just being a mommy and I am ok with that.
That is enough and it has to be enough because that is how I was put together and I do my best everyday. My therapist says, if you always give your best on that particular day, no one can ask any more of you... sometimes that may be at 80% or 100% but knowing that you're giving it all you have at the moment will comfort you when you are lacking in the next.
Signing off....
I'm thinking I might need to get started on writing my book- after I finish this Master's thesis of course! Farewell folks and thanks for walking around in my labyrinth of a brain today!
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